The Valley

ECT has been going well. I’ve had some aches, pains, and spasms from the convulsions but nothing major. The first treatment, I woke up the next morning and could barely move but since then it has been pretty tolerable. My migraines have been coming back so that’s a bummer but that’s to be expected when your brain is being “shocked into a seizure.”

I swear after my first treatment I felt better. I had a little more energy and felt like my mood had brightened some. I just finished treatment #5 yesterday and noticed I’m starting to sink back into that valley. I talked with the doctor about my mood and there is talk now if I don’t have some improvement during the course of the weekend, we may have to do bilateral ECT on Monday.

When I had ECT in the past, they automatically did bilateral because I was in a psychotic depression. I was hearing voices and attempted suicide. They thought the depression and psychosis was severe enough to warrant bilateral treatment.

You’re probably wondering what bilateral treatment is and how it makes a difference right? So unilateral means one side of the brain is treated. This has a nice success rate with less side effects. Bilateral treatments occur on both sides of the brain with more unpleasant side effects. Some of the side effects include memory loss, which is the major one. Headaches and body aches can be more severe as well but I’m all for it.

Why? Well, because it works! If I’m going to go through 12 treatments I might as well make sure I can respond. To me there is no reason to go through the risks associated if there isn’t a pay off at the end. To me, bilateral ECT is well worth the risk. It worked wonders for me last time.

So we’ll see how this weekend goes and I’ll watch my mood. If my mood is still unstable or sinking, bilateral ECT it is on Monday.

I can’t keep sinking into this valley. Eventually I’ll be so deep I can’t climb back out.

XOXO

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